


With You by My Side

by flannelfeelings



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Comfort, Domestic, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Jake Peralta/Amy Santiago, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluffy Ending, Happy Ending, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, Jake Peralta Loves Amy Santiago, Married Couple, Mentions of miscarriage, Panic Attacks, Pregnancy, Protective Jake Peralta, Takes place in S7, but happy ending!, fear of miscarriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-07
Updated: 2020-07-07
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:47:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25121878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flannelfeelings/pseuds/flannelfeelings
Summary: Amy fears something is wrong early in her pregnancy.
Relationships: Jake Peralta/Amy Santiago
Comments: 16
Kudos: 115





	With You by My Side

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr: Anon said- hi! I love your fanfics- you’re so good at capturing lil moments! Can you do something angsty where Amy thinks something is wrong early in her pregnancy
> 
> Thank you for this request! It does get pretty angsty but I gave it a happy ending, hope that's what you were feeling! I find it difficult to write sad endings lol. Idk if you wanted it this dark but it does get pretty dark (for me at least) but with lots of fluff and comfort at the end! Hope you enjoy either way!
> 
> pls enjoy everyone and lmk your thoughts!

The smell of tropical shampoo floated up in the steamy air as Amy scrubbed through her hair tiredly. She’d slept in later than she usually cared to, mostly due to fatigue from the baby she was currently growing. Well, if she was being technical, it was a fetus. She was twelve weeks along, and even though the faintest hint of a small pudge between her hips was staring to bud, she was still quite early on. Amy and Jake had decided not to tell anyone they were expecting until she was at least in her second trimester, due to their difficulty conceiving, Amy didn’t want to jinx anything.

Jake had been amazing so far, so supportive and wonderful. He held her hair back when the morning sickness had her on her knees in the filthy precinct bathroom, he went out to get her ice cream at 2AM when they ran out and she awoke jonesing for it, he drew her a hot bubble bath at the end of a tiring day and made sure she didn’t get too stressed out. It meant the world to her.

Of course, she’d expect nothing less from her amazing husband. Jake had proved time and time again throughout their relationship that he was the perfect man for her, and then some.

Amy finished washing and turned off the water, grabbing her towel off the shower rack. She wrapped her hair up in it and then reached out to pluck another one from the towel holder, pulling it around her body with a small sigh of contentment. Amy shoved the curtain aside and moved to step over the ledge out of the tub.

Unfortunately, she misjudged where the edge was and her shin hit the side of the tub, causing her to hitch forward and crash into the tile with a loud thud. Frantic, she curled around her middle and landed on the side of her body, grunting as her shoulder and hip absorbed the impact.

“Amy?!” Jake’s voice came from down the hall, and moments later his thudding footsteps barreled across the hardwood until he shoved the bathroom door open. As soon as he was in he lurched forward and dropped to his knees beside her, “Jesus Ames! Are you okay?”

“I-I’m alright.” Amy stammered as she allowed him to wrap his arms around her and gently pull her into a sitting position. His grip on her shoulder made her inhale sharply and wince, which he instantly noticed and removed his hand.

“What happened?” it was clear from his tone that he was freaking out but trying to seem calm. Jake was never one to handle other people’s injuries well, least of all his wife.

“I’m okay.” Amy assured him, grimacing as she brought her hand to her stomach, as if that was any way to check that their baby remained unharmed, “I tripped getting out of the shower.”

“You’re hurt.” He realized, nodding at her shoulder, “Did you land on your side?”

“Yeah.” She replied, “My arm took most of the impact though.” she glanced down at her stomach, biting her lip nervously, “I...I tried not to land on my belly.”

Jake seemed to suddenly remember that there was another party here to be concerned about, other than Amy. He followed her gaze to her middle, and looked back at her face, his expression still a mask of calm, “Should we go to the ER?”

Amy hesitated. While there was a consistent stream of panicked thoughts coursing through her mind, and her shoulder did hurt, she also didn’t want to miss work. She hadn’t fallen far, why be dramatic and freak Jake out over nothing? She was fine. The baby was fine. She barely tripped a foot, there was no need to start panicking over nothing.

“No.” Amy replied, forcing herself to sound assured, though there was an unmistakable tremble in her words, “We’re okay. I’ll ice my shoulder at lunch.”

“Are you sure?” Jake didn’t seem convinced, “I can call Holt right now and tell him we’ll be out. Maybe we should be better safe than sorry.”

“I’m okay.” Amy was shaking her head and climbing to her feet. Jake reached out and wrapped his arm around her waist to guide her to her feet, though she didn’t even need the help. She really was fine, she’d been hurt worse making a binder before, but that was a long story.

He watched her carefully as she moved toward the sink to begin applying her makeup as if nothing had happened. Jake stood in the doorway, arms crossed over his chest, watching her silently as Amy went through her normal morning routine. He was uncharacteristically quiet, until finally, he spoke up.

“Amy?” He asked cautiously.

“Yeah babe?” Amy was just putting the finishing touches on her mascara, which marked the end of her makeup routine.

“This isn’t like a FOMOW thing, is it?” He checked, “You...you wouldn’t go to work if you were really hurt right?”

Amy’s expression softened, and she closed the distance between them, pecking his lips gently, “Of course not Jake. I know I have a long history of prioritizing work over my own wellbeing, but it’s not just me anymore. I promise you, I wouldn’t do anything to put the baby at risk.” she offered him a comforting smile, “You’re sweet to worry.”

Jake sighed gently, rubbing her biceps with tender hands, “Okay babe, if you say you’re good, that’s all I need. Just be careful, okay?”

“Of course.” Amy smiled, her love for this man only grew with each day that passed.

They kissed once more, and went their separate ways to finish preparing for the day.

* * *

The doubt started to creep up around noon.

Amy had been sure she was fine. Her hip and shoulder were just the slightest bit sore from her spill in the bathroom, but her morning sickness was nearly gone, her head felt clear, and she had a lot of energy from a big breakfast and sleeping in. She hadn’t felt weird or even remotely uncomfortable all day.

Until noon.

She had a decent lunch, meeting up with Jake at a sub place a block away from the precinct. The meatball sub had hit the spot, and Amy returned to the precinct feeling great. But now, she was starting to feel an uncomfortable, cramping pain in her middle.

Panic started to blossom in her gut as the feeling didn’t abate even after a half-hour. It was similar to a menstrual cramp, which she’d heard could be normal in pregnancy. But what if it wasn’t? What if she’d hurt the baby when she fell this morning, and ignored it, which only made everything worse?

Amy chewed nervously on the fingernails of her left hand, her right one coming down to rub soothing circles over her stomach. She could feel the subtle curve of her bump beneath her thick sergeant’s uniform, and it was only a frightening reminder of whatever could be going wrong within her body. She felt helpless and freaked out, she needed to get away from her desk and catch her breath.

Amy shoved her chair back loudly, ignoring the wary eyes of her uniformed officers as she crossed the bullpen toward the single-stall bathrooms. Luckily one was vacant and she entered, sighing heavily as she moved to the sink to splash water over her face and try to regain her cool.

A sharp cramp danced it’s way across her middle and she cursed, bending her body in half in an attempt to quell the pain. Something was definitely wrong. Something was horribly wrong. Oh god, had she killed her baby?

The panic and pain were paralyzing, and she realized she’d left her phone at her desk. She tried to inhale deeply and slowly to calm herself, but it choked off at the end with the thought of something happening to her baby. It was all her fault.

She’d brushed it off this morning when she should’ve listened to Jake and gone to the doctor. Now they were both paying the price. He’d never want to speak to her again. Would he divorce her? Would he ever be able to look her in the eye again?

Another gasping breath choked out of her throat as she clutched her arm around her stomach and felt her knees buckle beneath her. They hit the tile floor hard, and she whimpered at the discomfort along with her inability to catch her breath. Everything was happening at once, all too fast, all her fault.

A knock on the door was deafening, and a familiar voice called through the material, “Amy? It’s Charles. I was down here getting some files and I saw you rush in. Are you okay?”

Amy struggled to find her voice, though she wanted desperately to call out to Charles to go get Jake, go get an ambulance, do something! She couldn’t catch her breath enough to form words, her vision was starting to swim as the panic and cramping became overwhelming.

“Amy?” Charles called out again, voice more serious this time, “Hey, if you don’t answer I’m gonna open the door. Are you alright?”

 _Please open the door_ Amy prayed silently, still unable to find the ability to talk.

“Okay, I’m coming in.”

The sound of a lock being picked could be heard, and the knob turned, Charles appearing in the doorway. His posture changed instantly, and he rushed to her side, letting the door fall shut behind him as he was on the floor beside her.

“Amy!” He seemed unsure if he should touch her, but he placed a gentle hand on her forearm, “Amy? Hey, are you alright? You can’t breathe?”

Amy shook her head frantically, eyes wide as she looked at him for help. She felt pathetic, desperate and vulnerable. She never wanted anyone on the squad to see her so weak, but all she could think about right now was the fate of her unborn baby, and how she’d failed them before they even got a real chance.

“Okay, I’m calling Jake down here.” Charles told her in a clear voice, “Just hang in there.”

She could vaguely hear his half of the conversation as Charles pulled out his cell and made a call. It was over quickly, then his attention was on her, more serious and concerned than she’d ever seen him.

“It’s gonna be alright.” Charles assured her calmly, “Just try to breathe. Jake’s on his way.”

Jake. Jake was coming. Amy tried to focus on Charles’ soothing words as she counted down the seconds until her husband got there. She needed to soak up as much of him as possible before he realized what she’d done and could never look at her again.

It was probably only a minute or so, but it felt like eternity before the door opened again and Jake burst in. He wasted no time on words or assessing the situation, he just dropped to his knees and took Amy in his arms, running his palm down her hair soothingly.

“Hey, Ames it’s me.” he murmured quietly in her ear, and Amy could no longer focus on anything other than the warmth of his chest and his soothing voice. She didn’t even know if Charles was still in the room.

“Take a couple deep breaths,” Jake told her softly, demonstrating with his own gradual inhaling and exhaling, “And tell me what’s going on babe.”

Amy nodded, following his example as she fought through the fear and found a steady rhythm of breathing. Her throat felt raw from the lack of air, but she managed to look up at Jake and place her hand over her stomach, whimpering, “ _Pain_.”

Jake’s eyes widened with recognition, and he glanced sideways, which made Amy notice Charles was still standing worriedly by the closed door.

“Charles,” Jake’s voice was surprisingly calm and collected, “My keys are on my desk. Can you please pull my car up to the front so I can get Amy out to it?”

Charles looked panicked, “You’re going to the hospital? Is everything okay?”

“Sorry babe, I know you wanted to wait.” Jake whispered gently to Amy, and then looked at Charles, “Amy is pregnant. She just told me she’s in pain so we’re gonna go get her checked out.”

Charles’ voice was a high-pitched squeal, “ _Pregnant!? What-_ ”

“Not now Charles!” Jake’s voice was commanding and stern, “Bring the car please!”

“Oh, right! Got it I’ll meet you out front with it!” Charles disappeared from the bathroom, legs moving at the speed of a bullet.

“Alright baby.” Jake murmured to Amy, “In a second I’m gonna pull you up to your feet, okay? You’ve got to work with me just a little so we can get you out to the car. Are you gonna be able to walk?”

Amy nodded, gripping on to the collar of his shirt as if it were a lifeline in the middle of the ocean. She could hardly comprehend anything other than the cramp in her stomach and the overwhelming horror that she could’ve killed her baby. Almost everything else was filtered out white noise.

Jake’s large, firm hands were under her arms the next moment, heaving upward as he pulled her body off the floor. Amy did her best to cooperate, locking her knees and leaning against his chest, still bent in half to combat the pain in her middle. Jake’s arm was wrapped tightly around her body as he started to lead her toward the door.

“My babies don’t need to worry.” Jake said, more to himself it seemed than anyone else, “Daddy’s here.”

Amy couldn’t even take the time to appreciate how fucking sweet that was, because Jake was mercilessly toting her through the bullpen toward the elevator. She worked with him, wanting to get out of here and forget the staring faces of other officers they passed on their way out.

Charles met them in the lobby and rushed inside, taking Amy’s other arm around his shoulder to help tote her out to the car. The extra support was a big help and they made it out pretty fast, both men helping to situate her in the passenger seat of Jake’s car. Jake buckled her in, rested his hand on her belly for a half a second, then closed the door with finality. Amy was only half aware as Jake said something else to Charles, then he was behind the wheel and speeding down the road.

Amy realized about two minutes into the drive, that she was sobbing heavily. The droplets of warm tears on her collar was what tipped her off, and she swiped uselessly at her face in an attempt to quell the tears.

She then noticed Jake was worriedly saying, “Amy! Babe please talk to me. You’re really freaking me out.” as he frantically looked between her tear-soaked face and the road.

“S-sorry,” She managed, “I-I-” another bubbling sob broke through and she dropped her head into her hands, wiping futilely, “I killed our baby, Jake!”

She didn’t miss the way Jake’s face paled at her words, and the flash of pain that danced through his eyes before he regained his composure. He swallowed heavily, knuckles poking out through his skin as his fingers tightened on the wheel.

“You did _not_ kill our baby.” Jake replied sternly, “Everything is gonna be fine, Ames. We’re almost to the hospital.”

“What if I hurt the baby?” Amy blubbered, “This morning, I fell and-and we didn’t go to the doctor! You said we should but I blew it off. Oh god.” another wrack of uncontrollable sobs bent her over again, “I killed the baby!”

“Stop it Amy!” Jake’s voice was harsher than she’d ever heard it, and she glanced over at him, seeing the frigid tension pulsing through his body. He sighed, blinking rapidly as his voice softened back to it’s normal tenor,“I’m sorry. Sorry, Ames. Just- _please_ stop saying that. Everything is gonna be okay, I promise. You just can’t spiral, okay? You need to stay calm. None of this is your fault, okay? You’re both gonna be fine.”

Amy nodded, properly scolded as she looked at the road ahead of them. She wiped at her wet face, managing to halt her tears for now, but still plagued with her panicked guilt. They made it to the hospital shortly after, Jake pulling up to the ER entrance.

Charles had called while they were on the way, so they were met with two orderlies and a wheelchair. Jake and the orderlies helped Amy into the chair, then they were rushed down the hall. Jake’s hand slipped into Amy’s as they moved down the fluorescent lit-hallways of the hospital, and their eyes met as they moved.

“I love you, Amy.” Jake told her quietly, giving her hand a big squeeze.

“I love you too, Jake.” she replied, and squeezed his hand back.

* * *

One hour, several blood tests, and an ultrasound later, Jake and Amy were set up in a comfortable temporary room.

Jake held Amy’s hand tightly as he sat beside the bed, his free hand gently stroking over the slight bump, now visible in her hospital gown. They’d just had their ultrasound done and the doctor should be in any moment to go over the results with them. Jake had been by Amy’s side the whole time, gripping her hand during the bloodwork (even though she knew it made him feel lightheaded, he didn’t let on at all) and being a constant presence at her side. Whenever the fear became too much, she just looked over at him, and her breathing settled.

Finally, the curtain parted and they both turned to look as the doctor entered. She was a tall, broad-shouldered woman who was somewhat severe looking. She reminded Amy of her fourth grade math teacher, which did absolutely nothing to calm her already frayed nerves.

“Well Mr. Peralta, Mrs. Santiago, you can stop worrying.” Dr. Lavine said with a gentle smile, her demeanor much warmer than her appearance let on, “Everything is okay with Mommy and baby.”

Jake and Amy both let out audible sighs of relief, and the doctor continued speaking before they could say anything, “Sergeant, your ultrasound was perfectly normal, right on track. The pain you’re experiencing is most likely just some typical cramping for the first trimester. As your uterus expands you may get some more painful cramps like that, it’s usually nothing. You did the right thing coming in though, since you weren’t sure.”

Amy breathed out a shaky breath, “So...the baby is okay? I didn’t...I didn’t hurt them?”

Dr. Lavine’s brows pulled down with sympathy, and she crossed the room to sit on the edge of Amy’s bed, meeting her eyes seriously, “Is it alright if I call you Amy?”

“Of course.” Amy replied.

“Amy, I understand that when things are uncertain and feel scary, we as moms tend to throw the blame on ourselves and panic.” She rested a comforting hand on Amy’s leg, “But I promise you that you have done _nothing_ wrong. Your little spill in the bathroom this morning was not enough to cause you or your baby any real harm. And as soon as you felt discomfort, you came right in. You did absolutely everything right.” J

ake squeezed Amy’s hand as if reassuring her of the doctor’s point. Amy offered him an apologetic smile, “I’m sorry, Jake.”

Jake frowned, “Ames, what are you sorry for? You haven’t done anything wrong. Everything is okay. You and the baby are fine, that’s all that matters.”

“That’s right.” Dr. Lavine agreed, shooting Jake an approving smile, “Though, there is something I wanted to discuss with you two.” Amy and Jake both tensed at her words, expecting bad news.

Dr. Lavine continued, “Amy your bloodwork shows your blood pressure is a little high. It’s nothing to worry about yet, but I will advise you to cut back on anything strenuous or stressful for the next few months. We want to keep the blood pressure low and the baby relaxed.”

Jake glanced worriedly at Amy’s face, then at the doctor, “High blood pressure?”

Dr. Lavine nodded, “It’s fairly common in adults with demanding jobs, such as yourselves. Amy’s is just a little higher than we’d like to see. Nothing to worry over.”

“What can I do?” Jake asked, “To help?”

“Now that is a great question!” The doctor grinned, “You can help by making sure she isn’t working too hard, stressing over little things, just make sure she is relaxed and calm most of the time. Do whatever she needs to make this easier on her.”

Jake nodded seriously, “Okay Doc. Thank you.”

“Thank you, doctor.” Amy echoed with genuine gratefulness in her voice.

“No problem kids.” Dr. Lavine smiled, “Amy I’ll get your discharge paperwork started so you can head home. Just give me twenty minutes.”

“Thank you.” Jake and Amy both told her at the same time, and she ducked out of the curtain with her smile untouched.

When they were alone, Jake looked over at Amy guiltily, “Now _I’m_ the one who should be apologizing.”

“What?” Amy demanded, “You have nothing to be sorry about Jake.”

“High blood pressure.” He grimaced, “I haven’t been doing a good enough job of helping you relax.”

“It isn’t your fault, Jake.” Amy assured him quickly, “I stress about how tight to tie my shoes. I’ll work on it.” She ran a hand through her hair and sighed heavily, one hand coming down to rest gently over her middle, “I’m really sorry about all of this, the hospital and my freaking out...I wasn’t exactly collected.”

Jake’s worried expression only creased deeper, “Ames don’t apologize. None of this is your fault. Doc said we did the right thing coming in, and I’m just glad you’re both okay. I was freaked out too.” he leaned over and rubbed his hand gently over hers where it rested on her belly, “We’re both gonna be calling out sick tomorrow, and we’re going to make sure you’re feeling relaxed and happy and have nothing but good feelings.”

Amy was immediately resistant to missing work, “Jake-”

“It’s not a debate Amy.” Jake interrupted with a stern shake of his head, “I love you and I know I’m not the boss of you, but I’m the father of our baby and I’m your husband, it’s my job to take care of you both. This is what we’re doing. It’s just one day, and you need it.”

Jake sighed, looking at his feet, “I can’t get another call like I did today, Ames. I can’t run into the bathroom and see you on the floor having a panic attack because you think you did something to hurt our baby. I can’t see you bawling your eyes out and blaming yourself for something going wrong. I love you so much, and I feel like I’m failing as your partner when that happens.”

Amy’s gaze traveled down to where Jake’s hand was still wrapped around hers, and her brow softened, “I’m sorry.”

“No.” Jake shook his head again, “Don’t be sorry, it isn’t your fault. This is new and scary and confusing for both of us, and I can’t imagine how you must be feeling, given that _you’re_ the one growing the baby.” he leaned down and kissed her hand, closing his eyes as he kept his face pressed against her middle, “Just let me try to do what I can to not feel so helpless, please? Let’s just take one day and regroup.”

“Okay Jake.” Amy submitted finally, seeing the genuine emotion in her husband’s face.

He was right. They were both strung out and overworked, and the fright today hadn’t helped. It was bound to come to a boiling point eventually, and apparently that had happened. Amy needed to take a bit of time to focus on herself and the baby, and not worry about work and everyone else. They did need a day to themselves.

“Thank you.” Jake offered her a smile, his eyes warm with that sweet adoration he seemed to hold only for her, “Oh, and you’re never showering alone again.”

Amy chuckled, “The doctor said the fall didn’t hurt us.”

Jake quirked an eyebrow up teasingly, “Who said anything about that?”

With a roll of her eyes, Amy beckoned Jake forward. He followed her invitation easily, standing from the chair and leaning down to press his lips against hers. Amy breathed in his familiar aftershave, running her hands through the soft curls at the nape of his neck. It was a comfort, a reminder of home and security and that everything was gonna be just fine.

“I love you.” Amy said quietly once they’d pulled away.

“I love you more.” Jake replied, eyes a little glazed from the kiss. Before Amy could respond, the sound of Jake’s phone buzzing in his pocket distracted her.

“Who’s that?” she asked curiously.

Jake snorted, “Who do you think?”

“Charles.” She sighed, “He’s not going to leave us alone until we tell the whole squad and he doesn’t have to keep a secret.”

Jake pursed his lips, glancing down at Amy’s belly and then back at her face, “Well...we _are_ into the second trimester next week.”

Every one of Amy’s instincts screamed at her to try and keep this a secret as long as possible. After today, she couldn’t imagine what it would be like having to go through this and then deal with everyone’s pity afterward. Or the guilt and shame she’d feel having to tell everyone that they lost the baby.

But then she looked at Jake’s face. He was staring at her sort of hopefully, his chocolate eyes alight with optimism. The little dimple in his chin was prominent as hints of a smile played at his soft lips, and as his smile grew, the gap in his teeth became visible. Each minor contour of his face was endearing and kind and he was _hers._ He watched her as though she were an exciting exhibit and he was a historian, like she was a dandelion in a field of weeds, like she was a binder and he was an Amy.

It was kinda hard to be afraid of anything when she looked at a face that loved her so fucking much.

“Okay.” Amy said after a moment of introspection, “Let’s tell the squad when we get back.”

Jake grinned, “Yes! I’m proud of you babe.”

Amy laughed slightly, “I’m still freaked out. But, we can do anything together, right?”

“Of course.”

“Besides, we were gonna have to tell them eventually.” She admitted.

Jake shrugged, “I was starting to think your plan was to say you ate a bunch of perogies and then adopted a little Cuban baby.”

Amy frowned curiously, “Now _that_ is an idea.”

“Nope, we’re sticking with the truth!” He leaned in and planted a sloppy kiss to her cheek, nuzzling his nose against her face gently, “Love you Ames.”

“Love you too Jake.”

“And _you_.” Jake turned and pointed at her stomach with mock-strictness, “Don’t freak us out again, kiddo, we’re fragile.”

“I’m sure they’ll listen.” Amy snorted.

“Not if they’re anything like their dad.” Jake grimaced.

Amy looked up at him and felt herself beaming at Jake, “I really hope they are.”

She meant it. If she were very lucky, this child would grow up to be just like Jake Peralta. Then she’d have two of the best people in the world at her side forever.

No one was that lucky, were they?

**Author's Note:**

> I'm working through requests! My tumblr is (boopernatural) and if you'd like me to write one feel free to mssg me!


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